Downtime

How I wish I've a switch off button for myself.

It was only recently that I realise that my mind thinks about work almost 24 hours a day. Yes, I am not obliged to answer calls from the hospital after 5pm if I'm not on-call. Despite that, even though I'm home, I always reflect back the patients that I saw, the decisions that I made and the events that happened.

Even when I fall asleep at night, subconsciously my brain will on the rewind button. And again I'd be thinking about the things that I did. The worse part being the events I try to forget -e.g. the small mistakes the I made, the comments that my boss passed to me, the rude patients, and the knowledge that I lack. A few days ago, I woke up in the middle of the night and I tried really hard to sleep again. My mind went adrift and I was just thinking about work, work and work. It a really painful 2 hours.

Ironically, it was an unemployed man, who shed me the light and made me realise this fact. I need a DOWNTIME.

When you're in a job, which constantly uses your mind, it is very important to have time for yourself, do what makes you happy and just switch OFF.

Unlike people who uses their physical energy to work, like farmers, factory workers, cleaners and contractors, what they need is a good sleep after a long day of work. The next day, they are fully charged and can get to work again. That simple.

On the other hand, as for other jobs which require lots of planning, making decisions, meeting people etc, we need something to rest of mind after work. Sleeping does not work 100% in resting our brains, as our brain is still running while are asleep. Hence we need to do something different like, dancing, playing music, cooking, shopping, doing an art project, sewing, playing sports, go for a holiday etc.

Today is my downtime. Not thinking about work. Not thinking about work. Not thinking about work. Not thinking about work.

Dear virus, please leave. STAT!

Day 5 of illness.

Yes, I know that I promised myself that I'd do an FBC on Wednesday if I still had the fever but I didn't. I'm actually terrified of needles. :) Don't actually mind being pricked, but I will try to find a hundred reason NOT to be pricked before allowing the the procedure to be done on myself.

It's easy to advice people to get their blood checked but when it comes to yourself, it is not an easy task. Haven't u heard, doctors are the worst patients?

I told myself many times yesterday-that my illness is very unlikely to be dengue. The fact that I have a source of fever, i.e. my cough and runny nose, I didn't have the other typical symptoms like joint pain, muscle aches, loss of appetite and vomiting.

Yesterday evening, my mum called, pestering me to get my blood checked. I finally gave in.

My very precious Full blood count result:

Hemoglobin: 12.3

White Cell Count: 7.2

Platelet: 262

Hematocrit: 37.4

Impression: Not suggestive of dengue fever.

The result suggests that I've a viral infection, hence the course of antibiotics that I'm taking now is not justified. Owh well, since I've started the course, might as well just finish it then.

Time to go home now and sleep off my URTI..

Virus alert!

One thing that I hate the most about working in a paeds ward is the daily exposure that I get to virulent pathogens. I can never really understand why I take a long time to recover from a URTI, especially when the source is from one of my patients.

Have you ever heard stories from people, when they say one of their kids get sick and the whole family will follow suit? Common isn't it? I do believe that viruses that may be present in kids are somehow stronger and tougher than in adults.

Back to the story about me...heh.It all started with an itch over my throat on Sunday morning. Thought it would go away but the symptom was followed by muscle aches, especially over my back and throbbing headache. I was stuck in bed the whole day.

I didn't feel any better today morning. Had to force myself to attend the Basic Ultrasound Course in HKL, which I've been looking forward to for weeks. I won't let some virus prevent myself from learning and gaining experieces. This kind of oppurtunity do not just come everyday.

I was coughing and sneezing through out the lectures..by the end of the day, I was defeated. Once I reached home, I decided to start a course of antibiotics for myself. Well, I know, it's not really indicated in my case, but I do need to hasten my recovery before my call on Wednesday..

I do feel better now after the multiple medications that I've taken. I have made a promise to myself, if my fever does not subside my tomorrow, I'm going to have my blood checked at the nearest hospital.

Dear Virus, please go away!

What I watched this week

Such a violent movie..Don't think any girl would enjoy watching this one..



Saw this one for Hayden Christensen..They storyline was ok, I assume the book would have been much better. Wished that the Hayden and Rachel Bilson had more chemistry..

The higher you aim, the harder u'll fall

It has been a rough week. Trying to fight my emotions was not an easy task. I have confided in a few of my close friends and family, they have been very supportive. Failing the same exam for the second time is not something that I'm used to..

Here are some of the words of encouragement that I received. I won't mention any names to respect their privacy..

'The harder the course, the more rewarding the triumph. Be the best in what you do.'

'Hang in there. There's always next time. It's ok if you take a bit longer, the thing is you'll eventually get there. Just dust yourself off, put up your chin and keep going. I'm sure can do it.'

'You are allowed to be sad and not allowed to give up!'

'I failed that exam twice too. Look where I am now'- from my specialist.

'Take it in your stride, ok? Another hurdle to overcome in life. Anggap sebagai dugaan.'

'Third time is the charm.'

'Forget about it for a few months. Try to get some tips from seniors.'

'Kesiannye..hope you feel better soon.'

The next big question now is ' What will be my next step?'

I am still looking hard for the answer and have not made up my mind. Going through the same experience again won't be easy.

At this point I'm just praying hard so that I'd get a hint/sign of what I should do next.

A small peek through my heart

From what I thought would be a good beginning today at a new working environment..turns out to be a bad start for me...my confidence is now shaken.

I won't run into the details at this moment, will place an entry about it once i can think straight and emotionally stable.

Till then.

On-call & Online

I've just created a new mark in my life..

This is the first time I'm posting a blog entry from a place other than my home.

Am on-call today. The doctor's on call room in my ward is the best in this hospital. We have internet access here, with a speaker for the PC, a television, a fridge, a well functioning air-con and a water heater to shower with. The facilities may not be as good as the other hospitals like Sungai Buloh or Serdang, but I'm happy. I feel so pampered but what the heck. I think I deserve it after working like a dog at Klang GH.

The day has been rather calm so far. Hope it stays this way till 8am tomorrow..