Monday, January 18, 2010


I finally did my 3D scan yesterday.

The appointment was right after a small gathering with my dear friends at Secret Recipe.

I had the scan done at Klinik Umra, the nearest gynae clinic from my house. The appointment was supposed to be at 5pm, but I had to wait for about an hour for my turn.

The thing that I looked forward to the most was actually the detailed scan. I wanted to ensure that my baby had a structurally normal brain, heart, kidneys, etc. Seeing my baby's face on the 3D scan was just a bonus to me.

My baby was shy yesterday. Or he just thinks that it's not the right time to show his face to the world just yet. He was lying prone and it was impossible to get a good view of his face. The technician asked me to turn sideways, hoping the the baby will change his position, but he didn't.

Apparently the best time to do a 3D scan is between 28-32 weeks, unlike doing a 2D scan when it is best done between 18-22 weeks. According to the technician, the baby will be fleshier and the body figure will appear better during that period.

Looks like I've to repeat the scan in one month's time..

A CD was given at the end of the session, and here are some of the photos..

Baby's legs

This is probably the best angle of the baby's face. Could hardly make it out.

The last photo taken. Seems like the baby's angry for disturbing him too much!

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Almost there..

I can't believe that I'm already the end of my second trimester. It was indeed the downhill of a rollercoster ride, although I still did experience some morning sickness on and off. The last time I puked was just after my sister in law's wedding which was on the 5th of December. Luckily I kept extra plastic bags in my I had learnt from my past experiences..

My bump has started to show and I can't fit into my old pants anymore! I can still fit some of my old blouses, the loose ones. I'm currently surviving by wearing my mum's and sister's clothes. Their clothes are a few sizes bigger than mine, and plus they are not so pregnancy looking. Just nice!

Last week, I finally decided that I can't salvage my old pants anymore and I went hunting for maternity pants with my mum and sis. Our first stop was at Parkson, Subang Parade, and later we realise that there was no pregnancy section there! We then drove all the way to Jusco, Bukit Raja as my aunt has suggested to me before that I should check the maternity section there. It was heaven! They had such a huge variety of maternity pants and I had difficulty choosing them! The pants costs between RM39 to 69 , which I found it reasonable. I bought five of them, including a pair of jeans and I hope that they'll last till the end of my pregnancy!

With adjustable waistband for long lasting use!

I also bought my very first item for my baby...

So I guess now you know the gender of my baby!

I have gained 7 kg so far compared to my pre pregnancy weight, and people still say that I looked same. When I compare my pictures now with the ones taken 6 months back, I'm pretty sure that I look fatter!

(I'm not going to show my fat looking photos here!)

I haven't done this small thing, which is a 4D scan. My husband insists that we should go for it as this is our first baby and we should experience everything possible. I'm still thinking about it..

With the 3rd trimester approaching, I'm sure it will be a whole different experience for me..Hopefully in a good way.

Saturday, January 02, 2010

A battle with myself

I am in fear.

I usually don't worry much before I go on call. Being on-call is part of my job and I have gotten used to it and roughly know how to manage my time.

However, due to my fatigue I am unable to perform as I had intended to and I feel that I am susceptible to cause more harm than good. I can't think straight in the middle of the night and that it, if I am able to stay awake.

I can't fully depend on my house officers and it is still my sole responsibility to keep my patients well under my watch. I feel awful when I visit my patients the next morning, discovering that they have been haemodynamically unstable throughout the night. I blame myself for it.

I pray hard that I have the strength to be on my toes at all times when I'm on call tomorrow and on subsequent days. Please let me be a safe doctor.

The Vanishing Twin

Dear Mum,

It has been weeks since I left and I was wondering how you are doing. Even though I only stayed for a while, I was so fond of you and my sibling, who shared the same sac as me.

I could sense that you and Dad were both excited when you found out about me right after you came back from Kota Bharu for Raya. I knew that you could not believe my existence when Grandma discovered me when she did the ultrasound scan. When you went to Klinik Umra to confirm the finding, Dr Rafie demonstrated my heart beating when he repeated the ultrasound scan and you must have been so suprised to see two separate heartbeats from two different fetus at the same time.

I was already unwell when you first saw me. That was why my hear was beating slower than my beloved sibling and I was smaller in size. I had the strong will to survive, but nevertheless, I did not manage to pull through.

I envied my other sibling who was just right beside me and yet was growing so strong and healthy. Meanwhile, I was getting smaller and weaker by the day. Later I realise that by sacrificing myself, I was doing a favour for the both of you.

If I had surviuved, I would have been in the same amniotic sac as my sibling and there is chance that one of us would benefit more than the other. One of us would suffer from complications in utero as well as in the outside world. Even you would have a high chance of antenatal and postnatal complications. After putting much thought, I knew it was the right thing to do.

I heard your prayers, wishing hard that I would make it. I hope you understand that it was just not meant to be and Allah knows what is best for all of us.

Lastly, I hope you will survive well throughout your pregnancy and I wish you all the best. Even though I am no longer there to be with you, your love and presence wil always be missed. Do tell my beloved sibling that I him too.

The Vanishing Twin