*Kick*

What is the best feeling in the world?

The Fetal Movement..


I had my quickening rather late: between 21-22 weeks of my pregnancy. Perhaps I had it much earlier, but I wasn't sure whether it was my stomach growling from hunger or my abdominal aorta pulsating.

And then, it was one of the nights when I was having such a bad call, one of the days in december, that I was really sure it was the baby kicking inside me. It was as though he was trying to comfort me, indicating that I was not alone that night. It was really comforting indeed.

Starting from 28 weeks of pregnancy, one is supposed to use the Fetal Movement Chart. Frankly speaking, I am unaware whether my baby is moving or not when I am walking about at work, except when I am sitting down in a meeting or presentation. As I feel my baby is more active at night, he definitely completes 10 kicks a day before I sleep every night. Whenever I lie down to rest after work, within one hour he would have completed his quota for the day! Such an active baby..

I have just completed my powerpoint presentation for tomorrow and the baby has been with me throughout these past few hours, kicking away inside me.

Thank you for keeping me company, my dear baby..

Pregnancy Dilemma

Am now approaching the 30th week of my pregnancy and the number of decisions that I've to make which are increasing by the day.

Here's to name a few:

1. The most vital question: where to deliver?

--Something which I should have thought about in the early weeks of my pregnancy, but because of my special circumstances, i.e me having rhesus negative blood and the need of having a good paeds back-up for my baby (being a paeds MO myself).
--I actually have gone to SMC for booking, but am thinking of changing my mind..I do feel familiar with the place, as I was admitted to the hospital before in 2007, but probably the facilities are just not good enough..

2. Which breastpump to get?

--I'm looking forward to breastfeed my baby fully for at least one year, and the need of a constant milk supply is vital. I've attended breastfeeding talks and handled breastfeeding courses in the past, and this is the time for me to try it for myself. There are just so many types out there and I just don't want to end up buying the wrong one. After all, it's not that cheap.

3. How long to take my breastfeeding leave

On top of my 2 months maternity leave, I have the option of taking upto one year of breastfeeding leave. But of course, it depends on one's head of department. My plan is to take at least a month, but should I take longer? The thing is that it's going to be an unpaid leave, but I feel it's going to be worth the sacrifice..

4. Which vitamin supplement to take?

I have to admit that I have not been so compliant in taking my vitamins. I was taking folic acid even before conception and continued taking it for the first few months and stopped taking after I started having my morning sickness..subsequently I've been taking pramilet only..After discovering that my Hb level is always between 10 to 10.9, as of last month, I've been taking my vitamins every single day without fail, even when I am on call. I now take Hemogen everyday. On top of that, I've purchased Neurogain, which is said to be good for the baby's brain and eyes..2 tablets of calcium per day is also a must for me now.

5. Essential baby stuff to purchase. It's just so difficult to decide!

--a baby cot
--a baby carrier/carseat/stroller
--bottle warmer and steriliser

6. Tukang urut/tungku

A friend has recommended me this lady who is said to be really good. She sounded experienced over the phone and was telling me all sorts of successful stories that she has had with her previous clients, in making them go back to their original weight. I don't have to worry about her transport and lodging as she will travel on her own from her place in kampung subang. 16 massage sessions, with the herbal drinks that she will make from her own backyard will cost me RM 2800! Am I willing to spend that much? I still can't decide on this..

7. Who will take care of my baby when I start work.

The most convenient thing to do is to leave the baby at home with my mother in law and the maid. What worries me is that I will trouble my 66 year old MIL and my maid is also not familiar at all in handling a newborn baby..

8. Long term plans: to get our own place

I've always wanted to live in a house of our own. I realize that it will involve more work on my part, but it's nice to have a nice cozy place, where it's just going to be us and and our baby..We are looking a brand new house to stay in the future, but have not fully committed to anything yet..


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All the best to me on my last few weeks of my pregnancy....

3D

I finally did my 3D scan yesterday.

The appointment was right after a small gathering with my dear friends at Secret Recipe.

I had the scan done at Klinik Umra, the nearest gynae clinic from my house. The appointment was supposed to be at 5pm, but I had to wait for about an hour for my turn.

The thing that I looked forward to the most was actually the detailed scan. I wanted to ensure that my baby had a structurally normal brain, heart, kidneys, etc. Seeing my baby's face on the 3D scan was just a bonus to me.

My baby was shy yesterday. Or he just thinks that it's not the right time to show his face to the world just yet. He was lying prone and it was impossible to get a good view of his face. The technician asked me to turn sideways, hoping the the baby will change his position, but he didn't.

Apparently the best time to do a 3D scan is between 28-32 weeks, unlike doing a 2D scan when it is best done between 18-22 weeks. According to the technician, the baby will be fleshier and the body figure will appear better during that period.

Looks like I've to repeat the scan in one month's time..

A CD was given at the end of the session, and here are some of the photos..

Baby's legs

This is probably the best angle of the baby's face. Could hardly make it out.

The last photo taken. Seems like the baby's angry for disturbing him too much!

Almost there..

I can't believe that I'm already the end of my second trimester. It was indeed the downhill of a rollercoster ride, although I still did experience some morning sickness on and off. The last time I puked was just after my sister in law's wedding which was on the 5th of December. Luckily I kept extra plastic bags in my car..as I had learnt from my past experiences..

My bump has started to show and I can't fit into my old pants anymore! I can still fit some of my old blouses, the loose ones. I'm currently surviving by wearing my mum's and sister's clothes. Their clothes are a few sizes bigger than mine, and plus they are not so pregnancy looking. Just nice!

Last week, I finally decided that I can't salvage my old pants anymore and I went hunting for maternity pants with my mum and sis. Our first stop was at Parkson, Subang Parade, and later we realise that there was no pregnancy section there! We then drove all the way to Jusco, Bukit Raja as my aunt has suggested to me before that I should check the maternity section there. It was heaven! They had such a huge variety of maternity pants and I had difficulty choosing them! The pants costs between RM39 to 69 , which I found it reasonable. I bought five of them, including a pair of jeans and I hope that they'll last till the end of my pregnancy!

With adjustable waistband for long lasting use!

I also bought my very first item for my baby...

So I guess now you know the gender of my baby!

I have gained 7 kg so far compared to my pre pregnancy weight, and people still say that I looked same. When I compare my pictures now with the ones taken 6 months back, I'm pretty sure that I look fatter!

(I'm not going to show my fat looking photos here!)

I haven't done this small thing, which is a 4D scan. My husband insists that we should go for it as this is our first baby and we should experience everything possible. I'm still thinking about it..

With the 3rd trimester approaching, I'm sure it will be a whole different experience for me..Hopefully in a good way.

A battle with myself

I am in fear.

I usually don't worry much before I go on call. Being on-call is part of my job and I have gotten used to it and roughly know how to manage my time.

However, due to my fatigue I am unable to perform as I had intended to and I feel that I am susceptible to cause more harm than good. I can't think straight in the middle of the night and that it, if I am able to stay awake.

I can't fully depend on my house officers and it is still my sole responsibility to keep my patients well under my watch. I feel awful when I visit my patients the next morning, discovering that they have been haemodynamically unstable throughout the night. I blame myself for it.

I pray hard that I have the strength to be on my toes at all times when I'm on call tomorrow and on subsequent days. Please let me be a safe doctor.

The Vanishing Twin

Dear Mum,


It has been weeks since I left and I was wondering how you are doing. Even though I only stayed for a while, I was so fond of you and my sibling, who shared the same sac as me.

I could sense that you and Dad were both excited when you found out about me right after you came back from Kota Bharu for Raya. I knew that you could not believe my existence when Grandma discovered me when she did the ultrasound scan. When you went to Klinik Umra to confirm the finding, Dr Rafie demonstrated my heart beating when he repeated the ultrasound scan and you must have been so suprised to see two separate heartbeats from two different fetus at the same time.

I was already unwell when you first saw me. That was why my hear was beating slower than my beloved sibling and I was smaller in size. I had the strong will to survive, but nevertheless, I did not manage to pull through.

I envied my other sibling who was just right beside me and yet was growing so strong and healthy. Meanwhile, I was getting smaller and weaker by the day. Later I realise that by sacrificing myself, I was doing a favour for the both of you.

If I had surviuved, I would have been in the same amniotic sac as my sibling and there is chance that one of us would benefit more than the other. One of us would suffer from complications in utero as well as in the outside world. Even you would have a high chance of antenatal and postnatal complications. After putting much thought, I knew it was the right thing to do.

I heard your prayers, wishing hard that I would make it. I hope you understand that it was just not meant to be and Allah knows what is best for all of us.

Lastly, I hope you will survive well throughout your pregnancy and I wish you all the best. Even though I am no longer there to be with you, your love and presence wil always be missed. Do tell my beloved sibling that I him too.

Love,
The Vanishing Twin

Battling the 1st trimester

Everybody knows that pregnancy can be difficult. But then, nobody will ever understand until she herself were to be pregnant. If that person were to be a guy, then he will never truly understand.

It has been a wild ride. Never have I taken so many MCs in my whole life. I called in sick every 2-3 weeks, and came late for work almost everyday. Thanks to my morning sickness.

Personally, I feel morning sickness is a misnomer. I didn't feel sick only the mornings, but it was ALL THE TIME. Of course, morning would be the worst time, but there were also occasions

where I would be puking the afternoon, night and even at 3am in the morning. That was hell.

Doing morning rounds everyday was a pain. I sat down whenever I had the chance, and constantly had to pop sweets/asam when the houseman was presenting the cases to me. At 10am, I had to take a break and grab a snack, coz otherwise, I would be puking the next few hours.

I dreaded my calls. As I had to be on my feet most of the time, and stay up till the wee hours of the morning, I would feel sick and find it so difficult to make decisions, especially in the middle of the night. Housemen who felt sorry for me for buy me food and ensure that I rest in between..

Hence, the two top complaints that I had was Nausea and Fatigue.

So how did I face all these challenges?

By taking Antacids 3-4 times a day, took snacks even when I wasn't really hungry, and lie down whenever I had the free time. It was bad coz I'd be so busy at work, but I was lucky to have collegues and bosses who understood and were supportive throughout my sickness.

And of course, what really helped me to pull through was to think about my baby and having a supportive husband..