Counting the days..

36 weeks + 1 day today..

1. Having trouble sleeping at night: need to constantly change sleeping position, and wake up at least twice each night to pee. Fingers will be stiff and I wont be able to make into a fist when I wake up in the middle of the night.

2. Have bought all the baby stuff that I need-unlike my first pregnancy when the delivery was so unexpected and I didn't even manage to pack my delivery bag prior to delivery.

3. Still having guilty thoughts: whether I will still have enough time to spend with Aniq when the baby is around...

4. Breastpump is still at the service centre. Should be ready by tomorrow or day after.

5. Physiotherapy appt will be tomorrow

6. Hidung merah + kembang as always

7. Doing the fetal kick chart on my iphone.

8. Reciting the Quran and listening to Quran verses of Surah Maryam, Luqman and Yusof in the car while driving.

9. Praying often that I will have a safe and uneventful delivery..

My mum in law reminded me last night -'Bila dah dekat hujung-hujung ni kena byk bersabar..'

Yes, as I am experiencing most of my pregnancy symptoms for the first time, I do need a lot of patience till my day of delivery. After that, will be a whole different experience altogether..

Yes!

I went on my weighing scale today, and I'm officially.....

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48 kg!

Only one more kilo left to my pre-pregnancy weight.

Am so happy coz I am now able to wear back my old clothers..

Fiuh..such a relief. For the past few months, I've been worried sick that I won't go back to my pre pregnancy figure. Guess, breastfeeding works after all!

Now, shopping for clothes won't be as depressing as before...

Baby fat

I am currently obsessed with my weight.

Pre-pregnancy weight: 47kg
Maximum weight at pregnancy: 61.5 kg
(at 32 weeks of gestation)
Weight at one month after delivery: 53kg
Current weight: 55 kg



My body weight has never been a problem for me. People have always said how thin I looked and some even said that I looked haggard. I blamed it on my work, as I sometimes had to skip meals due to my hectic working schedule. Due to that, I never went on a diet or take tried to cut down on my food intake. I could eat fast foods how often I wanted without worrying about the calories. People often force me to eat to fatten me up.

After my delivery, yes, I have to admit that I haven't been watching my diet. After all, I am exclusively breastfeeding my baby and it will make my appetite more voracious, right? As my baby was born premature, I had to eat well, to ensure that my baby adequately gains weight and try to catch up with babies his age.

I never really cared much about my weight until recently when more and more people started to pass comments on how big and fat I looked. The last straw was when my husband looked at my tummy and said--Aduh! Macam KLCC!
Ouch........

I dread each time when my in -aws come over to the house. One of my sister in-law is bound to say--Badan nampak dah naik la skrg! Berape kilo ni?

Yesterday, I went to a shop to make copies of my wedding DVDs. The guy opened the file and saw a short clip of the video and stared at me.

'Yang dalam video ni akak ke? Asal nampak lain?'


Haih..yes, I know I'm not as thin as I used to..


He then looked at the date on the cover of the DVD-13th March 2009 and said,

'Eh, tak le lama sangat'


Hmmmph..so I gained a lot of weight in one year. Big deal?



Yes, I am aware that breastfeeding will help to shed that extra baby weight compared to feeding my baby with formula milk. Apparently, an extra 500 calories will be used up per day, which equals to 2 hours of aerobic session. Somehow, I don't think I've gotten any thinner this past few months..

And so what have I been doing about it?


I bought this DVD a few weeks ago, PLANNING do some exercise at two or not three times a week. So far I've only used this DVD twice. Not good enough right? I chose this DVD because I wanted to do some toning exercises, to work on my upper and lower body. Plus, I didn't want to do something fast paced, as I wanted to give time for my caeserean scar to heal fully. Even though I read on the internet that it is safe to exercise 6 weeks post delivery, I still.didn't dare push myself so hard, and will stop intermittently when I felt my surgical scar area ache.

I can't even fit into my old clothes and pants. Now, I still wear my maternity pants to go out. It's so depressing...

I've never been this concern about my weight and it does affect how I look at myself. I really hope that my weight will go down drastically when I start work in a few weeks time..

*Kick*

What is the best feeling in the world?

The Fetal Movement..


I had my quickening rather late: between 21-22 weeks of my pregnancy. Perhaps I had it much earlier, but I wasn't sure whether it was my stomach growling from hunger or my abdominal aorta pulsating.

And then, it was one of the nights when I was having such a bad call, one of the days in december, that I was really sure it was the baby kicking inside me. It was as though he was trying to comfort me, indicating that I was not alone that night. It was really comforting indeed.

Starting from 28 weeks of pregnancy, one is supposed to use the Fetal Movement Chart. Frankly speaking, I am unaware whether my baby is moving or not when I am walking about at work, except when I am sitting down in a meeting or presentation. As I feel my baby is more active at night, he definitely completes 10 kicks a day before I sleep every night. Whenever I lie down to rest after work, within one hour he would have completed his quota for the day! Such an active baby..

I have just completed my powerpoint presentation for tomorrow and the baby has been with me throughout these past few hours, kicking away inside me.

Thank you for keeping me company, my dear baby..

Pregnancy Dilemma

Am now approaching the 30th week of my pregnancy and the number of decisions that I've to make which are increasing by the day.

Here's to name a few:

1. The most vital question: where to deliver?

--Something which I should have thought about in the early weeks of my pregnancy, but because of my special circumstances, i.e me having rhesus negative blood and the need of having a good paeds back-up for my baby (being a paeds MO myself).
--I actually have gone to SMC for booking, but am thinking of changing my mind..I do feel familiar with the place, as I was admitted to the hospital before in 2007, but probably the facilities are just not good enough..

2. Which breastpump to get?

--I'm looking forward to breastfeed my baby fully for at least one year, and the need of a constant milk supply is vital. I've attended breastfeeding talks and handled breastfeeding courses in the past, and this is the time for me to try it for myself. There are just so many types out there and I just don't want to end up buying the wrong one. After all, it's not that cheap.

3. How long to take my breastfeeding leave

On top of my 2 months maternity leave, I have the option of taking upto one year of breastfeeding leave. But of course, it depends on one's head of department. My plan is to take at least a month, but should I take longer? The thing is that it's going to be an unpaid leave, but I feel it's going to be worth the sacrifice..

4. Which vitamin supplement to take?

I have to admit that I have not been so compliant in taking my vitamins. I was taking folic acid even before conception and continued taking it for the first few months and stopped taking after I started having my morning sickness..subsequently I've been taking pramilet only..After discovering that my Hb level is always between 10 to 10.9, as of last month, I've been taking my vitamins every single day without fail, even when I am on call. I now take Hemogen everyday. On top of that, I've purchased Neurogain, which is said to be good for the baby's brain and eyes..2 tablets of calcium per day is also a must for me now.

5. Essential baby stuff to purchase. It's just so difficult to decide!

--a baby cot
--a baby carrier/carseat/stroller
--bottle warmer and steriliser

6. Tukang urut/tungku

A friend has recommended me this lady who is said to be really good. She sounded experienced over the phone and was telling me all sorts of successful stories that she has had with her previous clients, in making them go back to their original weight. I don't have to worry about her transport and lodging as she will travel on her own from her place in kampung subang. 16 massage sessions, with the herbal drinks that she will make from her own backyard will cost me RM 2800! Am I willing to spend that much? I still can't decide on this..

7. Who will take care of my baby when I start work.

The most convenient thing to do is to leave the baby at home with my mother in law and the maid. What worries me is that I will trouble my 66 year old MIL and my maid is also not familiar at all in handling a newborn baby..

8. Long term plans: to get our own place

I've always wanted to live in a house of our own. I realize that it will involve more work on my part, but it's nice to have a nice cozy place, where it's just going to be us and and our baby..We are looking a brand new house to stay in the future, but have not fully committed to anything yet..


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All the best to me on my last few weeks of my pregnancy....

3D

I finally did my 3D scan yesterday.

The appointment was right after a small gathering with my dear friends at Secret Recipe.

I had the scan done at Klinik Umra, the nearest gynae clinic from my house. The appointment was supposed to be at 5pm, but I had to wait for about an hour for my turn.

The thing that I looked forward to the most was actually the detailed scan. I wanted to ensure that my baby had a structurally normal brain, heart, kidneys, etc. Seeing my baby's face on the 3D scan was just a bonus to me.

My baby was shy yesterday. Or he just thinks that it's not the right time to show his face to the world just yet. He was lying prone and it was impossible to get a good view of his face. The technician asked me to turn sideways, hoping the the baby will change his position, but he didn't.

Apparently the best time to do a 3D scan is between 28-32 weeks, unlike doing a 2D scan when it is best done between 18-22 weeks. According to the technician, the baby will be fleshier and the body figure will appear better during that period.

Looks like I've to repeat the scan in one month's time..

A CD was given at the end of the session, and here are some of the photos..

Baby's legs

This is probably the best angle of the baby's face. Could hardly make it out.

The last photo taken. Seems like the baby's angry for disturbing him too much!

Almost there..

I can't believe that I'm already the end of my second trimester. It was indeed the downhill of a rollercoster ride, although I still did experience some morning sickness on and off. The last time I puked was just after my sister in law's wedding which was on the 5th of December. Luckily I kept extra plastic bags in my car..as I had learnt from my past experiences..

My bump has started to show and I can't fit into my old pants anymore! I can still fit some of my old blouses, the loose ones. I'm currently surviving by wearing my mum's and sister's clothes. Their clothes are a few sizes bigger than mine, and plus they are not so pregnancy looking. Just nice!

Last week, I finally decided that I can't salvage my old pants anymore and I went hunting for maternity pants with my mum and sis. Our first stop was at Parkson, Subang Parade, and later we realise that there was no pregnancy section there! We then drove all the way to Jusco, Bukit Raja as my aunt has suggested to me before that I should check the maternity section there. It was heaven! They had such a huge variety of maternity pants and I had difficulty choosing them! The pants costs between RM39 to 69 , which I found it reasonable. I bought five of them, including a pair of jeans and I hope that they'll last till the end of my pregnancy!

With adjustable waistband for long lasting use!

I also bought my very first item for my baby...

So I guess now you know the gender of my baby!

I have gained 7 kg so far compared to my pre pregnancy weight, and people still say that I looked same. When I compare my pictures now with the ones taken 6 months back, I'm pretty sure that I look fatter!

(I'm not going to show my fat looking photos here!)

I haven't done this small thing, which is a 4D scan. My husband insists that we should go for it as this is our first baby and we should experience everything possible. I'm still thinking about it..

With the 3rd trimester approaching, I'm sure it will be a whole different experience for me..Hopefully in a good way.

The Vanishing Twin

Dear Mum,


It has been weeks since I left and I was wondering how you are doing. Even though I only stayed for a while, I was so fond of you and my sibling, who shared the same sac as me.

I could sense that you and Dad were both excited when you found out about me right after you came back from Kota Bharu for Raya. I knew that you could not believe my existence when Grandma discovered me when she did the ultrasound scan. When you went to Klinik Umra to confirm the finding, Dr Rafie demonstrated my heart beating when he repeated the ultrasound scan and you must have been so suprised to see two separate heartbeats from two different fetus at the same time.

I was already unwell when you first saw me. That was why my hear was beating slower than my beloved sibling and I was smaller in size. I had the strong will to survive, but nevertheless, I did not manage to pull through.

I envied my other sibling who was just right beside me and yet was growing so strong and healthy. Meanwhile, I was getting smaller and weaker by the day. Later I realise that by sacrificing myself, I was doing a favour for the both of you.

If I had surviuved, I would have been in the same amniotic sac as my sibling and there is chance that one of us would benefit more than the other. One of us would suffer from complications in utero as well as in the outside world. Even you would have a high chance of antenatal and postnatal complications. After putting much thought, I knew it was the right thing to do.

I heard your prayers, wishing hard that I would make it. I hope you understand that it was just not meant to be and Allah knows what is best for all of us.

Lastly, I hope you will survive well throughout your pregnancy and I wish you all the best. Even though I am no longer there to be with you, your love and presence wil always be missed. Do tell my beloved sibling that I him too.

Love,
The Vanishing Twin

Battling the 1st trimester

Everybody knows that pregnancy can be difficult. But then, nobody will ever understand until she herself were to be pregnant. If that person were to be a guy, then he will never truly understand.

It has been a wild ride. Never have I taken so many MCs in my whole life. I called in sick every 2-3 weeks, and came late for work almost everyday. Thanks to my morning sickness.

Personally, I feel morning sickness is a misnomer. I didn't feel sick only the mornings, but it was ALL THE TIME. Of course, morning would be the worst time, but there were also occasions

where I would be puking the afternoon, night and even at 3am in the morning. That was hell.

Doing morning rounds everyday was a pain. I sat down whenever I had the chance, and constantly had to pop sweets/asam when the houseman was presenting the cases to me. At 10am, I had to take a break and grab a snack, coz otherwise, I would be puking the next few hours.

I dreaded my calls. As I had to be on my feet most of the time, and stay up till the wee hours of the morning, I would feel sick and find it so difficult to make decisions, especially in the middle of the night. Housemen who felt sorry for me for buy me food and ensure that I rest in between..

Hence, the two top complaints that I had was Nausea and Fatigue.

So how did I face all these challenges?

By taking Antacids 3-4 times a day, took snacks even when I wasn't really hungry, and lie down whenever I had the free time. It was bad coz I'd be so busy at work, but I was lucky to have collegues and bosses who understood and were supportive throughout my sickness.

And of course, what really helped me to pull through was to think about my baby and having a supportive husband..

The Secret

I've been keeping this news to myself for quite some time, as I just couldn't find the right time to tell the whole world about it. Well, it's not really a secret to my colleagues and some of my close friends, but it is indeed something which I have not shared to most people out there.

The entry below was something that I have written manually in my notebook some time ago, but I did not have the courage to post it in this blog. Tonight, I suddenly feel the urge of putting this entry to this blog. So here it goes...

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At the time of writing, I'm excited about the good news, but too nervous to tell the whole world about it.

Yes, I am pregnant.

I've been having irregular menses since the wedding, probably stress related due to work or from the adjustments that I have to make post wedding. Hence, delay in menses was not something new to me. I've used up numerous UPT sets provided by my mum right after the wedding, in which it will come back as negative each time. This time around, somewhere in early September, my menses was delayed for 2 weeks and I decided to do a UPT. It was Negative, Again.

I did not experience any pregnancy symptoms after that, but since I remained amenorrheic,
Mum decided to jump straight to an ultrasound scan, skipping the whole UPT part-as i just could not bear another negative result.

You see, I have a retroverted uterus and it was a difficult ultrasound scan to perform. Mum had to press my abdomen really hard to look for the gestational sac. Then suddenly, she found it. One TINY sac in my uterus. I proceeded with the confirmation test and for the first time in my life, I had a positive UPT. I just couldn't believe my eyes when I saw that 2 lines on the stick.

How was the feeling you may ask?

I was still in denial at that time, and a positive UPT with a small 'gestational sac' was not convincing enough for me to accept that I was indeed pregnant. I needed something more convincing, like seeing my baby's heartbeat. Heck, I have seen too many patients that had a false positive UPT and they were excited for nothing, and which later they found out that the UPT was just too sensitive and repeated ultrasound scans showed an empty uterus.

However, Mum was really excited coz it was her birthday and treated the finding as her birthday present. We then had a dinner celebration that night--to celebrate the future addition to our family, Mum's birthday and my brother's belated birthday.

The only few people that I told on that day was my dad and siblings. And that was more than enough for me.